Friday, Mar 25, 2016

I woke up sometime in the night and my mind was filled with all the unkind things I have done. I have no idea where that came from but it got real heavy real fast. It was that inner voice saying, “you really suck”.

In the still of the night, in the darkness, that shit can play head games. I don’t know why as a wonderous, miraculous, human being it is so easy for that voice to get my attention, and seemingly so hard to give voice and hear all that makes me phenomenal.

I am phenomenal. So are you! It is the weirdest damn thing why it is even a struggle to own that fact 24/7. No one is born thinking that he or she isn’t the center of the universe. Look at babies. The world is here to serve them.

Obviously there is tempering needed of that perspective to function well with others, but sometimes the tempering gets interpreted as a pounding, and so it begins. The battle between loving and hating oneself.

What in the world does this have to do with Ecuador? I have no idea, but I know those screwed up thoughts I sometimes get can filter how I am seeing things. Today seemed hard and I suspect it was because of what I was dealing with during the night.

From my workout in the morning to Spanish class this afternoon to running around getting things we need for dinner tonight, everything seemed harder. If I let it, that could create a run down the rabbit hole that ends with, “what in the hell am I doing here?”

Fortunately I know how to handle this crap. And just to emphasize, because I know how to deal with it doesn’t mean I am impervious to it. Welcome to the human condition!

Step 1 to Healthy Thinking: Own the low mood, the crazy thoughts. Acknowledge that you are having them. It’s ok. It doesn’t mean the thoughts are valid or the mood is permanent.

Step 2: Forgive yourself of anything that is weighing you down. This is an act of love toward yourself. You would never stop loving your child. Even a dear pet receives your unconditional love. That same expression of love is your right to extend to yourself.

Step 3: Remember to breathe. Deeply. Focus on the now, not the past or the future. Feel yourself in this moment. 2016-03-26 08.05.00-1 You are a phenomenal living being who has so much to offer others and the world. It’s unique and its special because no one else can do it like you.

Step 4: Re-frame the moment you are in. Change the filter you are seeing everything through. Look for something to be grateful for in the midst of the moment and the low mood. If you can find more than one, great! Count them up. Gratitude is the gateway to joy, and will change a low mood into higher, happier energy.

Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 as often as needed.

I had to several times today.


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