Sunday, June 19, 2016
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads. Whether by blood, or volunteer, or mentor, or just plain support when someone needed your masculine energy in his or her life, I want to say thank you. Good men being good fathers help create a good place for our children and grandchildren to grow up in. We are co-creators of a better world.
I love being a dad. It has been a bumpy road at times but I have never given up on what I can be in this role. I’ve fucked up along the way, but my sons are forgiving of my blunders and I remain committed to always doing my best. Like most things in life, this role came without a manual. It’s on the job training at best, an ass kicking at worst.
I have two terrific sons who I know will make fantastic fathers should they decide to journey this road. They have grown into good men and make me proud of who they are at their core, in their values, and in their beliefs. I trust them.
I work with men in my role as a life coach and in my association with men’s groups. One of the most common things I hear from men, from individual men, is that at his core he doesn’t trust other men. We grow up taught, or encouraged, or manipulated by our western society that men are to be tough, competitive, and even ruthless. Survival of the fittest. Screw or be screwed. Go it alone. Tough allegations I know, but the theme is real in our western culture. Think of the impact this has on being a dad.
I have found to be a man and a good dad, if I may take the liberty for that last part, meant challenging some of this thought. I can be tough, but can I also tell my sons I have fear? I can be competitive, but can I show my sons I have integrity and am accountable with others? I can be ruthless in defending my personal boundaries, but can I admit to my sons when I have been wrong?
There isn’t a step by step manual, but there is authenticity. There isn’t a You Tube video, but there is honesty. There aren’t any guarantees, but there is vulnerability. Frankly doing this is scary shit, but anything else seems to lack heart, true strength, and ultimately real connection. At least this is what I have discovered.
Remember dads, one conversation, one action, one connection. It’s just one…day at a time