Friday, Apr 14, 2018
I Didn’t Do It
Gone to the Dogs
I am watching some friends dogs this week in Olon. One is a Border Collie and the other is a Maltese puppy. They are fun dogs and keep me entertained. The Border Collie loves to fetch ball on the beach. The Maltese pup loves to do anything she really shouldn’t be doing. At times I feel like I’m raising children again. 😉
Run, Fetch, Swim
It has been nice staying in Olon and having so much activity around me. For the most part it hasn’t been noisy or crazy which it can be known to do. The beach is as close as it is to my house in San Jose, and from the 3rd floor of my friends’ condo I get a different perspective of the ocean. I still go to the shore for the sunsets, which continue to be phenomenal.
Beach Perspective
The beach between San Jose and Olon had a lot of interesting activity this week. There were kids and adults getting pony rides, the local towns people showing up for a big fish catch, and men loading their boat into a truck using only physics and physique. I never know what I will see on these beach walks.
Pony Express
Fish Fry Tonight
Load It Up Men
My Perspective
I get up early. It is still dark outside when I wake up to begin my day. Sometimes my very first thought is why am I here? I feel alone. The feelings can feel heavy in the darkness of the early morning hours. I do know not to think or ponder anything until the sun comes up.
When the first light of day makes its way through my windows my spirit lifts. As brightness fills the room so my perspective of living here brightens too. When the full sun is shining its rays over the ocean and the white crested waves softly roar onto shore, what seemed lost to me in the earlier darkness is found.
Life is meant to be embraced. There are insights, wisdom, and connection to be had no matter where I am or what I am doing. I think fear can rob me of this presence of mind. Fear of what is happening, or fear of what isn’t happening. If I choose, there can always be something to be feared.
Comfort or Chaos Matters Not
How many of us have everything going pretty great and fear it will end? What does that do for your emotional well-being on a daily basis? Fear is not a respecter of chaos or comfort. It doesn’t bring anything to the present experience that is helpful. (Well ok, when seeing a lion charge after you and fear says run, then it is beneficial…and so far I have not seen any lions here.)
Allowing fear of an unknown future to come into my present moment is like living in the dark cellar beneath a beautiful home. I miss living in luxury and light for fear the roof might fall in. Let the fucker fall. I’m not going to live afraid of what isn’t happening. And that is what I say to the darkness at 4 am.
Chau
Thanks for your post, Tod. I too am an early morning riser. Odd how the nighttime scary thoughts are so much more potent. Why is that??
Have you considered getting a puppy? Bruce had a chocolate lab that was his constant companion for almost ten years. They did everything together. He has no children, so he invested all of that love in his dog Bart. It is a wonderful thing. Unless you are planning on traveling, of course.
We will be in your area next January and will definitely look you up.
Keep the faith!
Sharon
Hey Sharon, I love dogs and not sure what traveling I will be doing, so for now I will wait on that. I’m doing well and just keepin’ it real too. Would love to meet in January. Thanks for reading!
Todd
opps pushed a wrong button…back to the full spectrum light….from remembering your blog last rainy season and reading this one regarding the dark you may be susceptible to SAD. When I lived in Alaska I made sure I was under full spectrums in my home and at work – it made a good difference when living in darkness/grayness. I would say for the next 2 – 2.5 years you will be prone for melancholy as you adjust to living alone; if your aloneness lasts that long.
Hi Catherine, I am doing well, not perfect but good. And most of the things that aren’t perfect have nothing to do with anyone else but me. I know I am a “light” person. Just need to recognize that and not trust moods and feelings that happen in “the gray”. Life is good. I hope yours and Scott’s are going well too. Thanks for reading.
Todd