Friday, Nov 18, 2016

Little girl on bus

Little girl on bus

Heidi and I took the bus into El Centro to pick up Easton’s phone. I like to watch the little kids on the bus. I’ve seen a little boy, mad at his mom, who with his puckered out bottom lip stomped to the back of the bus refusing to sit with her. I’ve watched other little kids stare at Easton, a tall white boy with long black hair, trying to figure out what kind of “Ecuadorian” he is. Today I watched a little Ecuadorian girl look at me and Heidi, probably wondering what kind of abuela and abuelo (grandmother and grandfather) we are. These things make me smile.

When we arrived at SmartRepair, Mateo had Easton’s phone working, but it is still sporadic. He has wiped and reinstalled the operating system, and also installed the new android software Marshmallow on it.

The screen still freezes up when restarting it, and when that happens it doesn’t respond again until the battery drains to a low percentage. For now it’s working, but I think Easton will need a new phone. I’m very disappointed. This phone isn’t even two years old.

After we picked up the phone Heidi and I went to Tostao’s for a cappuccino. I brought my computer along so I could close out some option positions. I am enjoying trading options. So far I am ahead and because the trades are shorter term than holding equities, it’s more interesting to do.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about having a job vs not having one. When I had a job I pretty much knew what I was going to be doing, when I was going to be doing it, who I was going to be doing it with, and what I would receive from doing all of it.

My interactions with my coworkers was rewarding. I felt connected and had a sense of belonging. Over the years though, I became burned out and tired of doing what I had been doing. I needed and wanted a change.

I have that change here in Ecuador. It is a huge change and I love it. I am also learning about myself. I need structure, a sense of purpose, and a feeling of belonging. These are things my job provided for me that I didn’t have to create or develop on my own.

Being unemployed, or self-employed, or maybe even creatively-employed means I have to be the one to design the structures, implement the constructs of my purpose, develop my circles of belonging. It is crazy exciting to be in a position to do this. It is also fertile ground for every character flaw I have to flourish if I let it.

If I procrastinated before, it shows up here. If I was disorganized with my day then, it happens here. If I lacked focus before, distractions abound here. I’m a firm believer that leaving one place and going somewhere else to be happy in and of itself is never the answer. Whether it is a job, a relationship, or a country…wherever you end up, you will be there.

I spent a lot of time looking at myself around this concept before I moved here. I’m here in Ecuador, and so is my procrastination, disorganization, and lack of focus. Part of it is from doing new things and having new experiences that I choose as a priority over getting my coaching and online business up to speed.

And there is a part that is about me, those things I have to be vigilant against that can get in my way creating the life I want. I am having victories in my coaching practice, and although it isn’t happening as fast as I originally intended, I’m conscious of what I am doing, and not doing.

I’m living in a period of my life that I get to design what it will look like. This is a gift. The many years I spent looking and working on my “flaws” is paying off because I am able to clearly recognize them when they rear up, and I have the tools I need to navigate the terrain and get to where I want to be.