Thursday, June 2, 2016

I will be so glad when we get settled into a place we like. It is starting to wear on me, this suspended state of living I have chosen to put myself in. I could start studying my Spanish again, even enroll in classes, but I don’t. I could start reading again, but I’m not. I have a coaching practice that I want to re-start, but I’m waiting.

When I look at these activities, I would classify them as things that create a routine for me. Right now I’m not in the environment I want to be in, so I am postponing starting “my routine”. But like it or not I do have a routine of sorts. Every day Heidi, Easton, and I look for and go see other places to move into. This takes up a lot of my focus and mental energy.

In fairness to myself, we also have been spending a lot of time each day with friends visiting from out-of-town, friends who will be shortly moving away, and new friends we have met. I enjoy these activities a lot and would not want to forgo connecting with these people.

Paul and Janet, World Travelers

Paul and Janet, World Travelers

We have an appointment at 4 pm to meet a realtor at a building to look at a three bedroom apartment. Right now we are headed to Tostao’s for coffee and will meet up with Paul and Janet. 20160602_124725They leave tomorrow morning for Quito, then on to Canada for a visit back home, and then they begin a new adventure in Mexico. I have really grown to appreciate the liveliness and energy of this great couple. We are going to miss them.

Janet has called me sad sack twice since I’ve been in Cuenca. Uuugh! I’m not sad but, according to my wife, there is a change in my overall energy and disposition. This makes me laugh because I am working hard to enjoy Cuenca. I think I am doing a good job adjusting to it, but that’s obviously not what is being perceived by others.

The truth is I’m not sad, AND my first choice would be living on the coast. However, I’ve chosen to be open and curious to what Cuenca offers…and it is also true this has taken some time for me to arrive at this space in my mind and body. This energy here isn’t the same I hold when I wake up each day to the sound of ocean waves rolling onto the beach, or spend my days walking along quiet streets of a small town under the heat of a bright sun, or when I enjoy evenings watching a glowing sun set softly into the deep waters of the Pacific.

I’m learning about myself. I’m learning that a coastal environment better suits my soul. I’m also learning that I can be anywhere and choose to find the best in the situation and what it has to offer. I’m also ok that I may “look better” in one situation than another. I’m not faking anything; I’m just “being” and doing it to the best of my ability in a positive way.

The question comes up for me, if I’m happier somewhere else, why not just go there? My answer is that I want to be “happy” wherever I am. I want to be able to find those things I can enjoy, be satisfied in, find contentment with, and have a general sense of well-being in my present space no matter where I am.

I cannot control all events and circumstances I find myself in. Shit happens, life shifts, and change occurs…think 7.8 major earthquake. I want to be able to zig or zag with the variations of life’s changing landscape. I could go back to the coast right now. What would I miss here in Cuenca by doing so? What parts of myself would go undiscovered? What opportunities might I miss?

I don’t know these answers. I do know if I leave too soon I will never find out. And maybe that is the deeper energy I am carrying around now. Uncertainty, maybe even some anxiety, around what it is I am to learn in this time and place in my life.

What I do know is that I am surrounded by the love and support of my family and friends no matter where I am on this planet. That in itself is truly special, rich, and worth being happy about.