Sunday, Jul 17, 2016
I got caught in the rain today. It has been misty, drizzly, and cloudy all day. The sun poked through twice for about 5 minutes each time. Heidi and I wanted to take Monte and Max for a walk, so after the latest heavy drizzle stopped we headed out. I thought I was in the clear for the next 30 minutes so I chose not to wear my rain gear, just my jacket.
We were half-way through our walk and it started to rain. In fact it down poured which it hadn’t done all day long. I was soaked. The air is cool and being wet made me cold. I was standing in the downpour, water rolling off my cold head waiting for Heidi to catch up to me, and I was thinking, “Really? Why am I here?”
Being soaked was my own fault. I’ve lived in Cuenca long enough to understand the weather cannot be trusted. I gambled and lost. I realized I’m stubborn, refusing to admit I live in a place that requires appropriate layering and weather proofing to go out.
On the other hand it mentally felt good to be cold, wet, and uncomfortable and just say, “screw it”. There is a certain satisfaction derived from knowing you can deal with being uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if more of us need opportunities to be physically uncomfortable. I think it would cut down on the petty complaining, don’t you?
In the space that exists between the tension of discomfort and ease, we have an opportunity to grow. In this place I often find contentment. It arises through my discomfort, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional as I push myself in some new way. Contentment emerges in the midst of my discomfort because I know I am growing, expanding…”becoming” through the process.
In this space, the present discomfort I am in doesn’t seem so bad. Have you ever felt that? When you are in the process of creating something important for yourself, any discomfort you experience doesn’t seem to be as uncomfortable as you may have thought it would be?
After my initial dismay of being soaked and cold, I realized that this is just another day, one more experience, in a country that I chose to place myself in. I didn’t move to Ecuador to be comfortable 24/7. I came here to learn, connect, and to experience. I came here to allow the process of my becoming to continue through new awareness of self and the world around me.
I think that is happening, and for that I am very, very grateful.
Chau.
I feel the uncomfortable feeling a lot when I am learning a new skill. I am out of my comfort zone. I just keep going with the activity and try to learn more about the process. I felt out of my comfort zone when I started at my job here in Delaware. I tried to understand the culture of the unit and tried to expand the horizons a little of the unit with my expertise. But that really never happened. I was remembered over and over again that this was not how they “did things in this unit”. I think this was the beginning of the end of my working in the unit. I have stopped working full time as of Friday, July15!. I will be working per diem at a local hospital 16 hours a week. I am mentally relieved. Now, I will be learning a new unit but it will be only to attend emergency deliveries. I feel more at peace than I have in 12 months.
I’m glad you found a peaceful space Sheila; life is way too short to do otherwise. It sounds like you discovered some of your “edges” that will help in the next step of your journey “becoming”. Good for you!
Thanks for reading. 🙂
Todd
Todd,
Have you read the stoics? Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius? You’d like them a lot.
Scott
Thanks Scott. Haven’t read any of them. I will have to check it out.